From November 18, 2010… Not sure why I didn’t publish this.
Monday was my birthday.
I am now 27.
I don’t know how to feel about it.
I am lucky to have been lavished in birthday celebrations from friends near and dear over the past week and have felt nothing but loved as I’m attempting to age gracefully.
At one of my birthday dinners, someone asked me, “How do you feel about 26? Was it a good year?”
My initial reaction was yeah, it was a pretty good year. As I thought over the past twelve months of my life, I realized there were some very high moments: skydiving for my birthday last year, puerto rico this spring, celebrating weddings, birthdays, graduations. However, this year was also punctuated with many sad things as well: I worked too much. I spent time on relationships in which I wasn’t appreciated. I lost track of some people and had a hard time keeping in touch with others. I stopped running. I lost one of my best friends. My dear old dog died. My house that I have loved so dearly is no longer where I’ll be living. I made some bad choices and some good ones. I didn’t keep promises to myself and the progress I made seemed insignificant in comparison with years past.
All of this up and down, happiness laced disappointment, has made me yearn for heaven. Those feelings coupled with my desire to make good on my promise of reading the bible in the a year, has found me in Revelation and the images of heaven have captivated me more than before. I yearn for the day when I have one thing to do: worship the one who holds my heart in his hands. I am ready for no more tears, no more struggle, disappointment, heartbreak.. I’m ready for complete sanctification. I’m tired of making strides only to see how much farther I have to go. However, Revelation tells us that the road to that day is long and the journey hard and there is a significant mountain to summit before we reach our destiny. Yet, the hope that we have in Christ is so tangible to me these days because it’s so comforting to know that this world is not the end. It’s the only way to stay here and endure the tension, I consistently wonder how those without Christ make it through each day. Unfailing love has touched my heart as I’ve come face to face with my humanity and my sin.
So Happy Birthday to me, I’ll keep my head down and keep putting one foot in front of the other, my eyes fixed on the Eastern horizon.